Q&R ROUGH FINAL DRAFTS: MASTURBATION

Masturbation

(Updated and revised 280414)

The original version of this chapter – an article on ‘Masturbation’ - has been one of the most-read on this website for many years. Obviously, many have unanswered questions about this issue.

Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not something to be particularly proud of, either (Matt Groening)

In my pastoral counseling practice the subject comes up regularly, almost always without any prompting from me. Men and women are concerned about the fantasies – of real or imaginary people – as they ‘do it’. For some women, and a few men, involuntary orgasms are a problem – while dreaming, or, for a womanrecently, while she does her floor exercises. In discussions about human sexuality on Internet discussion groups it’s second to homosexuality. (Put the words masturbation + Christian into Google and you’ll get 30 million responses!!!). So a lot of people are worried, angry, confused, guilty – or just plain thinking – about masturbation.

–> A single woman, in her forties, a staff-member in a fundamentalist church came for counseling. She’d been referred by her senior pastor, who didn’t know her ‘problem’, and she didn’t want to tell him, but she said she ‘needed to talk to someone about something.’ She sat nervously on the edge of the chair, briefly sketched some aspects of her history, and then paused for a long time. Eventually she stammered: ‘Actually my problem’s a terrible one. My church preaches that I’ll go to hell for doing this… It’s the ‘big M’.’ ‘Oh,’ I said, ‘masturbation’… (She later told me she walked out of that discussion ‘walking on air’, ‘free as a bird’, released from all her fears on the subject)

There’s a brand of milk in Australia called ‘Big M’. On the ‘Net, there’s also a big M, masturbation. The following (from various online discussions) are typical:

* ‘I am a born again Christian and pornography is probably the one of the toughest issues that I and probably everyone else face. The Lord let me know that pornography was no longer something I needed nor was it EVER good for me. I used to be the guy with a drawer full of Playboys in the bathroom and I would masturbate every day! Although I threw out every shred of pornography and cleaned out my hard drive, my addiction to masturbation has in no way been broken. The Devil is sneaky and it’s absolutely true that he attacks from behind and little by little people become enslaved. I am not concerned any longer about salvation (I am a believer and know the grace of the Lord – that is faith and not works)… I have remained a virgin through all of this for which I am VERY thankful, but I NEED some help all of this stuff.

* ‘Hi fellow Christians, there is a question that has been bugging me for the longest time, but have not spoken to anyone (except my husband) about it because of its intimate nature: if masturbation is a sin, how is a woman ever to attain orgasm (it is a known fact that most women cannot reach orgasm during intercourse) then? I mean, sometimes I wonder, not at all intending to be blasphemous, why is it that men can achieve orgasm during intercourse and most women cannot? I mean I understand the physiological explanation, but if masturbation is a sin, then it makes me (as a woman) feel that (do I dare say it?) that God *gulp* is not very fair about this!’

* ‘I have been wondering why God made the mechanism of women menstruating and men having wet dreams and yet call it “unclean” as in the book of Leviticus. I guess the “unclean” here refers to poor hygiene and not sin. Regarding masturbation, I know that lust is a form of adultery and thinking about the act before putting it into action may be a sin, but what about “fantasies”? Are fantasies sinful? And if it’s just the action and mechanism alone, is masturbation still sinful? I believe some of you out there would think that God does not give boys penises to “play with themselves” but eventually make love with a women and masturbation is actually misusing the organ, then isn’t sucking our thumb, biting our fingernails sinful too? Men have sex drives and it is very very difficult to control it, and if the penis is only for sex alone (as well as urination) then why did God give us the ability to erect (babies as well) even if we are not having sex? Why does he give people sexual feelings before marriage?’

* Woman on Internet newsgroup: ‘Sexual release is just as important as any kind of emotional release. Saying that you shouldn’t masturbate is like saying that you shouldn’t cry when you’re upset or hurt, or that you should hold in anger and other emotions. I see no difference between sexual release and emotional release. Not releasing will only result in stress and health problems. And I know that I need no more stress in my life. I figure, if something helps a person relieve stress, clear their mind, and make them feel better (that doesn’t hurt others, mind you), then more power to them’.

* The Catechism of the Catholic Church (1994 pp. 564-566) lists six ‘Offences against chastity’: lust, masturbation, fornication, pornography, prostitution, and rape. Masturbation (to which most space is given of the six!), ‘is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action’. However, some ‘psychological and social factors’ may ‘lessen or even extenuate moral culpability’…

’10 Things You Didn’t Know About Orgasm’ from a TED talk by Mary Roach:

* One woman would touch her eyebrow and orgasm every time

* Another would orgasm every time she brushed her teeth (she believed she was possessed by demons and got sick of it so switched to mouth-wash for oral hygiene)

* An Israeli researcher found that sexual intercourse cured a man’s constant hiccuping (Roach’s suggestion for unattached hiccupers: try masturbation)

* Medical research suggests that frequent masturbation produces fresher sperm

* Kinsey did a survey of strength of ejaculation in (I think) 200 males: many just dribbled, but the record was 8 feet!

Why is masturbation so controversial for most Christians? Is it simply a ‘rub and tickle’ that may be good for you? Or is it a habit designed by Evil Powers to induce destructive guilt and/or rob us of our ‘sexual purity’? How did masturbation get such a ‘bad rap’ from so many Christian preachers? Certainly it’s almost a universal problem: 90% of adolescent and adult males masturbate (‘the other 10% are liars’). Females? Who knows? Estimates vary from 30% to 90%.

An Encyclopedia of Sexual Behaviour notes: ‘No form of sexual activity has been more frequently discussed, more roundly condemned and more universally practised than masturbation.’

Conservative Christian Approaches

For many conservative Christians – Catholic, Protestant and others – ‘self-abuse’ is the misuse of the body, which is the temple of the indwelling spirit of God. God intended the process of procreation to be pleasurable, but to seek that pleasure as an end in itself is – to varying degrees, depending on the group – deadly folly. According to traditional medieval theology, the body and its pleasures are to be treated with disdain. If you ‘abuse’ yourself you may go insane or blind. The Jansenists, in the seventeenth century held that the human body is inherently evil. Indeed the derivation of the word (Latin manus – hand, and stuprare - to defile) has a pejorative connotation. Pope Leo IX forbade masturbators from being admitted to sacred orders. Aquinas believed masturbation was a worse sin than rape, incest, and adultery. (Reason: in these other sins procreation is a possibility. I read of a teaching brother in a Catholic boys’ school say: ‘Son, do you realize every time you masturbate, your emission is killing thousands – possibly millions – of babies!’ Yahoo Answers says there are 40 to 600 million sperm in ejaculate: ‘an entire generation if you think about it’).

I found this somewhere: ‘Scientists compounded the fear and loathing – like the 18th century Swiss physician Tissot who believed that blood-flow changes during any kind of sex would cause nerve damage and perhaps insanity; masturbation was especially hazardous. (Those who cared for inmates of insane institutions noted how they frequently masturbated). In the first published psychiatric text published in America, physician Benjamin Rush attributed mania, seminal weakness, dimness of sight, epilepsy, loss of memory, and even death to masturbation. Anti-masturbatory devices became available, including a tube lined with metal spikes that fits over the penis. Until this century, young men in Catholic institutions were sometimes put to bed in straitjackets or with their hands tied to bedposts to make sure they didn’t do it. Then there was Kellogg, the cornflakes man, who invented the cereal as one element of a diet he thought would quench the sex drive. For those masturbators whom snacks could not cure, Kellogg suggested circumcision without anaesthesia. Finally, around the turn of the 20th century, physicians started to realize that masturbation was not the evil earlier generations thought it was (despite Freud, who said masturbation may cause a neurosis characterized by fatigue, worry, and lack of physical and mental alertness). Still, it was not until 1940 that a respected textbook, Diseases of Infancy and Childhood, removed its discussion of masturbation from the chapter titled “Functional and Nervous Disorders.”‘

For modern conservative Christians, the first question usually is: ‘What does the Bible say?’ They have probably heard preachers and camp-fire youth speakers quote these texts: 2 Corinthians 7:1: “Let us cleanse ourselves of all filthiness of the flesh.” Ephesians 4:22: “Laying aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit.” Romans 6:12: “Don’t let sin reign in your mortal body that you should obey its lusts.” 1 Peter 2:1: “Lay aside all evil.” Verse 11: “Abstain from fleshly lusts, which wage war against the soul.” Then, if the preacher is warming to his (women don’t preach on this, much) theme, he’ll cite the story of Onan and some passages from Leviticus.

Onan’s sin (Genesis 38:4-10, 46:12, Numbers 26:19, 1 Chronicles 2:30) was not masturbation but failure to impregnate his dead brothers’ wife, Tamar. Under the Mosaic law, if a husband died without his wife having a child, the man’s brother was required to marry her and try to get her pregnant, so she would not have to suffer the disgrace of being a woman without children. But Onan didn’t want any children of Tamar to be heirs to his brother’s estate, so he practised ‘coitus interruptus’ to prevent her from conceiving. His punishment wasn’t for masturbating or coitus interruptus, it was for deliberately disobeying a specific requirement of this ancient law.

Then there’s Leviticus 15:16-18: ‘When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening. When a man lies with a woman and there is an emission of semen, both must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.’ (See also Deuteronomy 23:10).

This moral/ceremonial requirement of the law has to be put into the context of Israel’s purification rituals. ‘Who shall stand in the Lord’s holy place? Whoever has clean hands and a pure heart…’ (Psalm 24:3,4). Most religions have ceremonial rites associated with washing, and Israel was no exception. The Israelites put ‘unclean’ things into five categories: some foods, diseases (especially leprosy), bodily discharges, dead bodies, and idolatry. I remember reading a book by a Dr. Macmillan (‘None of These Diseases’ – I think it’s still in print) which says that Jews have always had higher survival rates (eg. during the Black Death) than others because of their purification laws. For example in many Greek and Roman cities the rubbish dump was located in the middle of the city. But the Israelites were instructed to take their garbage outside the city. Similarly with washing your hands after touching a dead body. These purification rites do not condemn masturbation (if anything, a ‘discharge’ is accepted as the sort of thing that frequently happens).

In an e-booklet aimed at men, Evangelical theologian Mark Driscoll doesn’t mince any words about masturbation. The Mars Hill pastor states: ‘What I am not counting as masturbation is the manual stimulation between married people whereby a husband and wife enjoy pleasuring one another’s genitals, as taught in the Scriptures, either orally (Song 2:3; 4:12) or with their hands (Song 2:6). I am also not classifying as masturbation self-stimulation done with the blessing and in the presence of one’s spouse …. What I am referring to by masturbation is self-pleasuring done in isolation that is usually also accompanied with unbiblical lust.’ If masturbation is done alone and accompanied by lust, then it is a sin, Driscoll maintains.

Summary: The Bible says nothing specifically in favor or against masturbation. Sorry about that.

Liberal Approaches

Masturbation and pornography are not evil in themselves according to many liberal Christians. After all, it’s your own body and your own private life and may be a form of very safe sex.

I found these somewhere:

* ‘Kinsey and the latest Sex in America report show there’s a whole lot of shaking going on. Today’s sexresearchers have come to grips with the fact that masturbation has important physical and emotional benefits for both men and women.’

* ‘Masturbation is a normal, natural activity throughout life,’ says Robert Pollack, a psychology professor at the University of Georgia. ‘It may even contribute to mental health and not doing it may lead to psychosexual problems. For men, masturbation or regular sex is good for the prostate and can prevent painful prostate blockage. For women it can help reduce cramping and for both men and women has been shown to have a healthy effect on the immune systems as well as reducing overall tension and helping emotions. Besides being healthy for the body, a private grope can help both a man and a woman better understand their own sexuality. If you can learn to lie back and enjoy it and really pay attention to the pleasure it gives your body – no one knows better than you what gives you maximum pleasure – you can share that knowledge with a partner and have more mutually fulfilling sexual pleasure sharing. The self-awareness gained from masturbation makes it a central feature of many sex therapy programs.

* ‘Evolution may have even designed us to be masturbators. Notice when you are standing where your hand falls if you hang it in front of you. Apes do it, dogs and cats do it, elephants do it and even porcupines have been observed doing it, probably very carefully. One reason we may be so programmed, paradoxically, is to increase our odds of producing offspring. Older sperm can lose their ability to swim well. A good masturbatory flush guarantees fresh, robust sperm for mating.’

* ‘Storing seminal fluids for long periods can also cause prostate congestion, which in turn can lead to urinary and ejaculatory pain. Regular ejaculations, either through masturbation or intercourse, can help ward off this condition, also called non-specific prostatitis and, for obvious reasons, “sailor’s disease” and “priest’s disease.”’

* ‘Another reason why nature designed us to masturbate is to strengthen PC muscles, much like “Kegel” exercises. This is especially true in females where strong PC muscles are practically the sole factor in whether labor is easy and fast or long and difficult. Females masturbating regularly with multiple orgasms would develop strong PC muscles and should have easier labor.

* ‘Masturbation is also an ever-renewable health resource. In fact, the people who start the earliest and do it the most often are the ones who do it longest into old age. So, as with all sexual activity, it’s “use it or lose it.”‘

And so on…

But both conservatives and liberals may be missing the point. Conservatives may be wrong: not all masturbation is sinful. Liberals may be wrong: some masturbation may be harmful or even evil.

‘Lonely’ masturbation is self-isolating sex without intimacy. It dissociates the sexual act from a loving relationship, and is therefore often a symptom of a deeper problem. When an act is purely centered on self, it can become spiritually unhealthy. Many gays I counsel have a particular problem here.

Now, in the context of a marriage spouses caress one another for mutual gratification. And I know some couples who agree to masturbate to avoid being sexually tempted when apart. Those who travel on business are particularly vulnerable: I know men who masturbate to fantasize about their wife and to prevent thinking of other objects of sexual fantasy or to avoid getting involved with porn in lonely motels. And masturbation can provide a non-destructive genital outlet when sexual intercourse is not possible e.g. for celibates, or those with sick spouses.

For Christians, I’ve found there are three broad issues.

First, the masturbation habit has produced heaps of bad shame, guilt, confusion and condemnation in a lot of people, particularly younger Christians. Most of it has been stoked by guilt-producing preaching. It’s the old story: the intolerant pharisee in us all majoring on sins of the flesh rather than on sins of the spirit, which are worse, according to Jesus.

The second issue is self-control – a product of the Holy Spirit’s presence in our lives (Galatians 5:23, 2 Timothy 1:7). If a habit has mastery over us – particularly if it is obsessive – it can be a serious problem. If, for example, you are going to great lengths trying to find nudity on the ‘Net to masturbate, that becomes a ‘bondage’. Without self-control we will never mature – in life or in the Christian life. Remember – ‘First a thought, then an act’ – so it’s a good idea never to read pornographic material alone (what consensual married partners do in private in this area is another matter).

The third issue is fantasizing, where we imagine general or specific scenes or persons as we masturbate. This is associated with the deadly sin of ‘lust’ – coveting someone else for our gratification (see Matthew 5:27-28). If a habit like masturbation becomes compulsive in this respect, it would be good to get professional advice.

A pastor’s wife in a happy marriage, but with a low-libidoed partner, tells me a helpful solution for her is this: once a week, when she knows her husband is out all morning, she runs a warm bath, adds perfumed bath salts, plays ‘sacred music’ and offers her sexuality to Jesus in an hour of pure ‘praise and worship.’ Beautiful!

The Christian conservatives have mostly been wrong. The relevant article in the respected Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counseling (Abingdon, 1990) says: ‘There is no evidence that masturbation, regardless of frequency, leads to physical or mental disorders. [Sneezing and masturbation] are both usually orgasmic experiences in which tensions are relieved… Never has a more harmless activity provoked more harmful anxiety.’

But is it totally harmless?

The problem with liberal thinking is its denial of the self-centeredness of this habit. This means that for years you know how to gratify self and when you are with your marriage partner, self may still be the focus of your sexual relationship. This is dangerous to a marriage because you may not be seeking what will make your partner happy but purely your own fulfilment. And let’s not ‘kid’ ourselves: pornography was created largely to simulate lust – and for masturbation. They both go hand in hand. You have to take control of your own life. Don’t let your sex organs do your thinking for you. My strong suggestion to those whose habit is out of control: feed your mind with good things (Philippians 4:8). Learn to pray well. Burn all your pornography and don’t ever buy any more. Get one or two trusted others to pray with/for you and keep in touch.

To teenagers I hear myself saying: ‘Sexuality is not evil. This is not something strange you are going through. God knows you are a sexual being and created you that way. God created you to have a blessed sexual relationship with your spouse. We were born with sexual urges and even if you you become a eunuch you’ll have a sex drive until you are old and grey. That is not sin. Puberty is preparing you for the adult world. You have new desires and you are in unfamiliar territory. The human body was created to be able to reproduce. Part of the reproductive process is stimulation of the genitals, and for men erection and ejaculation. In pre-Industrial cultures, when children reached puberty and they started maturing sexually, they married. When they got the urge, it was time to marry. Better to marry than to ‘burn’ writes an ancient Christian, St Paul. Today, there is such a great gulf between the first sexual urges and the age where a human is mature enough to accept all the responsibilities of marriage and a family. When nakedness is being hidden from children and adolescence, it is supposedly done so that the sexual urge will not be fed.’

To committed couples I hear myself saying: ‘Talk about your sexuality frankly with your partner. Learn what is pleasurable for you and teach your spouse: he or she hasn’t got your body, and they won’t know instinctively. For some women whose sexual needs are not as demanding as their male partner’s, and who need more time to climax, you may agree to offer the gift of frequency in exchange for the gift of time. Today’s glossy magazines promise mutual orgasms whenever you want them. Life isn’t like that for most people. Certainly mutual orgasmic experience is wonderful: but it won’t always be mutual – not even the crescendos. Orgasms – fast or slow, mild or wild – are not the basic goal of sex, but rather mutual love and intimacy…’

At this point some are asking, ‘OK. Rowland what do you really think about masturbation?’

This quote from evangelical counselor/ author Gary Collins would represent my own general position:

‘Christian counselors differ in their view of masturbation. It has been called ‘sin’, ‘a gift from God’, and an issue which is ‘no big deal… on God’s list of priorities…. Masturbation can… produce guilt; can be a means of escaping from loneliness and interpersonal (including sexual) relationships with others into a world of fantasy; can increase self-centredness and lowered self-esteem; and can stimulate and be stimulated by lust… Masturbation is rarely helped by a direct determination to quit. This focuses attention on the issue, increases anxiety, and makes failure more incriminating. Masturbation can be reduced by prayer, a sincere willingness to let the Holy Spirit control, involvement in busy activities involving others, an avoidance of sexually arousing material (such as erotic pictures or novels), a practice of not dwelling on harmful sexual fantasies, and a recognition that sin (including lust) will be forgiven when it is confessed with sincerity and sorrow… When there is open communication on the subject of sex, including masturbation… it will… not become a major problem… It’s high time we stop making such a ‘big deal’ out of masturbation and give it the well-deserved unimportance it merits.’

(Gary Collins, Christian Counseling, Waco Texas: Word Books, 1980, p.296, from Rowland Croucher, The Family: at Home in a Heartless World (HarperCollins), quoted with permission).

And finally this: a quote from a medical doctor who counsels missionaries, Dr. Marjorie Foyle: ‘Masturbation is in my view often no more than a pressure cooker blowing off steam. Usually some life adjustment resolves the problem… [in times of tension] the pressure cooker blows: in anger, in masturbation, or in other ways.’ (‘Overcoming Stress in Singleness’, EMQ, April ’85, pp. 141-2).

If masturbation is addictive, as with all addictions there will be withdrawal symptoms. It will be hard for you. But I know you can do it because Jesus will give you the strength. And remember you are not alone. God will guide you (Proverbs 3:5,6) and bless you.

Rowland Croucher

~~~

And a note from a netfriend:

The book SEXUAL SOLUTIONS recommends that teenagers or those inexperienced in intimate relationships, masturbate before a date or phone call. If you still experience feelings for the person you are dating/calling afterwards, you can be sure it isn’t lust or sexual only.~~

See here for one person’s summary about what the Bible teaches on Masturbation (you might be surprised!).

Note from a friend (who is a retired Baptist minister):

When fundamentalists say gays should remain celibate and not masturbate, I shake my head. It is almost a total denial of who are we are as people.

Actually it is very important for gays to masturbate for two reasons.

1. Before we go out to areas where we could “slip,” it is very important to masturbate before we leave home. While there are no guarantees, it does help to reduce the risk of picking up a virus or an infection. Whenever someone’s will and their emotions have an argument, their emotions tend to win just about every time. I have not been sexually active for many years, but can you understand when the [conservative denomination I belong to] said that gays, practicing or not are forbidden to lead, teach, do any ministry or do any act of Christian service, it meant that the HUGE effort I had put in for years and years to make sure I remained faithful to my marriage vows counted for nothing. That is when I took a huge step backwards away from the church.

2. Suppression of masturbation can lead to prostatitis or other health issues and they can be serious.

It is also one of the main reasons why I strongly support gay marriage. How much better to wait and fall deeply in love with another man, marry him and spend the rest of their lives together in a monogamous relationship; rather than cruise around gay bars and saunas thinking they can find love by having sex.

My verse for today on my desk is Ps 20:4 “May he give you the desire of your heart.” Can I be totally honest? The desire of my heart every day and every night is to be married to a lovely gay Christian man. I would spoil him rotten. It is never going to happen for me, but I really wish that happiness for all my gay friends.

A Sex therapist, Maureen Matthews, who writes each week in the Melbourne Sunday Age, said this (April 27, 2014):

* ‘In a recent seminar, visiting academic Dr Christine Kaestle, from Virginia Tech, spoke about “Masturbation: Conflicting elements of pleasure and stigma’. ‘The women who had integrated masturbation into their sexual repertoire reported they knew themselves better and felt it had a positive effect on their relationships, as they were able to communicate with, and guide, their partners.’ [She might be worth Googling for more...]

* ‘In your own sexual journey I recommend you read Dr. Betty Dodson’s classic book, Sex for One: The Art of Selfloving‘.

And this:

Masturbation: the secret to a long life?

Betty Dodson says self-love keeps her young. Now the 85-year-old has a new audience of fourth-wave feminists enrolling in workshops she first ran in the 1970s

‘Feminists are afraid of sex’ … Betty Dodson, photographed in 2010.

Stephanie Theobald

Monday 5 May 2014

Betty Dodson is back. The pensioner once dubbed the “godmother of masturbation” thanks to her 1973 bestseller, Sex for One, is relaunching her masturbation masterclasses in New York. Now 85, Dodson wants to help the post-Sex and the City, post-Girls generation of women that she believes are not nearly as liberated as they think they are. “Most of them haven’t even seen their genitals in a mirror. You show ‘em and they go ‘eek!’ Or ‘ugh!’”

Her comeback has caused excitement among a new generation of American women, many of whom are seeking inspiration from the feminist thinkers of the 1970s in the face of renewed attacks on women’s rights. “Yeah, I’m an overnight success at 85,” says Dodson as she breaks into a chuckle and pours me a glass of vodka. “People now say THE Betty Dodson.”

We meet in her rent-controlled apartment on Madison Avenue where she has lived since 1962. Dodson arrived in New York, fresh from Kansas, in 1950 to train as an artist; the walls of her living room are lined with her own paintings of erotic couplings and blown-glass sex toys. When she held orgies here in the 1960s (“there’s no furniture you can’t move”) she realised that many women were faking pleasure. Her original women-only masturbation – “bodysex” – classes took place here from the early 70s for 15 years with an ideal number of 13 per class.

Although she was described as one of the “early feminists” by Gloria Steinem, she felt out of place in the consciousness-raising groups of the time. “I always thought sex was a top-priority issue,” she says, pouring herself a whisky. “Feminists like Gloria Steinem thought it was private.” (She chuckles, “I love Gloria. I used to call her ‘the general’.”)

Dodson has a mouth like a sailor and the easy manner of a wisecracking Scorsese character. She looks incredible, with a zest for life that belies her age. She credits “masturbation, pot and raw garlic”.

" width="460" /> Betty Dodson in the 60s. Photograph: Handout

When you read Dodson’s 2010 memoir, My Romantic Love Wars, she doesn’t strike you as a swinging-from-the-chandeliers type. In 1959, she married Frederick Stern, an advertising director and pushed herself into sexual self-discovery when the marriage ended in divorce in 1965.

She says she was 37 before she met her sexual match, Grant Taylor, a 42-year-old English professor from New York University. Taylor convinced her that her inner labia lips weren’t deformed and introduced her to the idea of “electronic orgasms” (thanks to his electric scalp massager), as well as the idea of non-possessive love. “I’m a romantic love junkie just like the rest of you,” she shrugs. “It’s a disease, I don’t know how else to describe it.” She says that feminists are often the worst culprits. “They’re afraid of sex because they say it’s too controversial. But I feel it’s because they’re personally too conflicted. They don’t want to masturbate, they want Prince Charming. It’s Walt Disney. Puke. Barfarama.”

At her first group sex party on the Upper East Side, she admits she was “a typical Virgo at an orgy,” as she nervously removed her new black lace knickers and folded them under a chair.

But now, after 50 years at the frontline of the sexual revolution, Dodson’s work is being rediscovered by a new audience. Some are young, fashionable types who seem to have it all but – she says – have never had an orgasm.

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They’re usually too shy to attend the bodysex groups and opt for private sessions; she had a 25-year-old in yesterday for a lesson in self-love. “Poor girl had no idea. Never masturbated as a child.” Dodson says her biggest fans are fourth-wave feminists bored with the right-on, anti-pleasure stance they feel third-wavers stand for; for them, Dodson’s message of rediscovering your power through getting into your body and independent orgasm seems much more attractive than banging on about childcare and sexual violence.

“In the workshop we share our orgasm with the group while being in control of our own clitoris,” she says, explaining that the class consists of a “genital show-and-tell” followed by masturbation in a circle. Betty has been known to help out with her vibrator.

“No wonder I keep doing it. Are you kidding? The sounds, the sights, the smells. Fat, skinny, one tit gone. Women are so beautiful.”

In 2006, Carlin Ross, a former corporate lawyer came to interview Betty (who defines herself as a “heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian”) for her website. Ross, now 41, says Dodson was “one of the few sex-positive feminists and that had always intrigued me”. She recalls how, halfway through the interview, Dodson reached across the table and announced: “We’re going into business together. Shake on it!”

Ross gave up the day job and has now become (purely platonic) business partner and heir apparent to Dodson’s empire. She is archiving Dodson’s work online and can be credited with persuading Dodson to revive her workshops. They began slowly last year, and cost $1,200 (£720) for a weekend. A teaching programme for women who want to spread the Dodson word was introduced this year. “Women tell me they worry their fantasies aren’t feminist enough. I tell them: ‘Honey, the dirtier and nastier, the better.’ I have a Rolodex, a whole series. My fantasies are so dirty, they’d put me away.”

The trouble, she says, is that women are “so addicted to romantic love. It’s the heaviest drug in the world and we make long-lasting bad decisions because of it.”

She doesn’t believe in monogamy. “You get married, you give up sex. Pretty much count on it.”

She says the “best sex of my lifetime” was in her 70s when she was “training” a twentysomething called Eric. After 10 years she decided to let him go. “You have to let the young ones go. You don’t want to be Hugh Hefner.”

Her message – keep up a sexual relationship with yourself, you can have first-rate orgasms by yourself; stop doing what you think your partner wants to see in bed – seems more necessary than ever in an age when increasing pornification of our culture is making these ideals harder for women.

As I leave, she gives me a hug goodbye and tells me to “spread the word!”.

Betty Dodson’s Bodysex workshops

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/may/05/masturbation-secret-to-a-long-life-betty-dodson-self-love?CMP=ema_632

~~

http://www.salon.com/2014/03/13/9_hilarious_ways_the_religious_right_tried_to_eradicate_masturbation/

Stuart Edser Rowland, make sure you cover masturbation's therapeutic use in sexual dysfunctions for both genders. It is an essential chapter in the repertoire of the book of any sex therapist; myself included. There are many ways that masturbation can be used in this context; and to great effect. As a result, many people are able to overcome their particular dysfunction and regain a more fulfilling and happier sex

life.

Masturbation

The original version of this chapter - an article on 'Masturbation' - has been one of the most-read on my John Mark Ministries website for many years. Obviously, many have unanswered questions about this issue.

Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not something to be particularly proud of, either. (Matt Groening)

There’s a brand of milk in Australia called ‘Big M’. On the ‘Net, there’s also a big M, masturbation. The following (from various Usenet newsgroups) are typical:

*** ‘Addicted To Masturbation’

* ‘I am a born again Christian and pornography is probably the one of the toughest issues that I and probably everyone else face. The Lord let me know that pornography was no longer something I needed nor was it EVER good for me. I used to be the guy with a drawer full of Playboys in the bathroom and I would masturbate every day! I also know that all of my friends have most of their problems when it comes to pornographic and other sexual issues. I am telling you that the Devil is really pouring on his attack right now and everyday it’s getting a little easier to get your hands on some of the junk.

Although I threw out every shred of pornography and cleaned out my hard drive quite some time ago, I notice that my addiction to masturbation has in no way been broken. The Devil is sneaky and it’s absolutely true that he attacks from behind and little by little people become enslaved. I am not concerned any longer about salvation (I am a believer and know the grace of the Lord – that is faith and not works)…

I have remained a virgin through all of this for which I am VERY thankful, but I know that Christ reigns in glorious victory and I wish to become stronger in His Spirit and I NEED some help all of this stuff.

The thing is that sex is everywhere!! I don’t need to look at pornography. I can open a People magazine and start to masturbate although I may not EVEN HAVE ANY DESIRE to do some other then psychologically.

The truth is that I was on the Internet just about 30 minutes ago and I was running all over the place looking for some pornography. Just a naked body, that’s all I wanted to see. I knew that it was certainly not a good thing, but I find more and more porn every time I look and after I was through masturbating I knew things were just not right and that I need some extra insight into this particular struggle of mine.’

*** And another:

* ‘I have been wondering why God made the mechanism of women menstruating and men having wet dreams and yet call it “unclean” as in the book of Leviticus. I guess the “unclean” here refers to poor hygiene and not sin. Regarding masturbation, I know that lust is a form of adultery and thinking about the act before putting it into action may be a sin, but what about “fantasies”? Are fantasies sinful? And if it’s just the action and mechanism alone, is masturbation still sinful? I believe some of you out there would think that God does not give boys penises to “play with themselves” but eventually make love with a women and masturbation is actually misusing the organ, then isn’t sucking our thumb, biting our fingernails sinful too? Men have sex drives and it is very very difficult to control it, and if the penis is only for sex alone (as well as urination) then why did God give us the ability to erect (babies as well) even if we are not having sex? Why doesn’t he make it that only married men can have sex? Why does he give people sexual feelings before marriage?’

* A single woman, in her forties, a staff-member in a fundamentalist church came for counseling. She’d been referred by her senior pastor, who didn’t know her ‘problem’, and she didn’t want to tell him, but she said she ‘needed to talk to someone about something.’ She sat nervously on the edge of the chair, briefly sketched some aspects of her history, and then paused for a long time. Eventually she stuttered: ‘Actually my problem’s a terrible one. My church preaches that I’ll go to hell for doing this… It’s the ‘big M’.’ ‘Oh,’ I said, ‘masturbation’…

Consider this:

* ‘Sexual release is just as important as any kind of emotional release. Saying that you shouldn’t masturbate is like saying that you shouldn’t cry when you’re upset or hurt, or that you should hold in anger and other emotions. I see no difference between sexual release and emotional release. Not releasing will only result in stress and health problems. And I know that I need no more stress in my life. I figure, if something helps a person relieve stress, clear their mind, and make them feel better (that doesn’t hurt others, mind you), then more power to them’. (Woman on Internet newsgroup).

Or, on the other hand, this:

And, in the category of '10 Things You Didn't Know About Orgasm' from a TED talk by Mary Roach:

* One woman would touch her eyebrow and orgasm every time

* Another would orgasm every time she brushed her teeth (she believed she was possessed by demons and got sick of it so switched to mouth-wash for oral hygiene)

* An Israeli researcher found that sexual intercourse cured a man's constant hiccuping (Roach's suggestion for unattached hiccupers: try masturbation)

* Medical research suggests that frequent masturbation produces fresher sperm

* Kinsey did a survey of strength of ejaculation in (I think) 200 males: many just dribbled, but the record was 8 feet!

Why is masturbation so controversial for most Christians? Is it simply a ‘rub and tickle’ that may be good for you? Or is it a habit the devil especially encourages to induce destructive guilt and/or rob us of our ‘sexual purity’? How did masturbation get such a ‘bad rap’ from so many Christian preachers?

An Encyclopedia of Sexual Behaviour notes: ‘No form of sexual activity has been more frequently discussed, more roundly condemned and more universally practised than masturbation.’

(They say 90% of men masturbate and the other 10% are liars. No one knows how many women masturbate: estimates range from 30% to 90%).

In my pastoral counseling practice the subject comes up regularly, almost always without any prompting from me. Men and women are concerned about the fantasies – of real or imaginary people – as they ‘do it’. For some women, and a few men, involuntary orgasms are a problem – while dreaming, or, for a woman recently, while she does her floor exercises. In discussions about human sexuality on Internet newsgroups it may come in second to homosexuality. (Put the words masturbation + Christian into Google and you’ll get 50 million responses!!!). So a lot of people are worried, angry, confused, guilty – or just plain thinking – about masturbation.

The Conservative Approach

For conservative Christians – Catholic, Protestant and others – ‘self-abuse’ is the misuse of the body, which is the temple of the indwelling spirit of God. God intended the _process of procreation_ to be pleasurable, but to seek that pleasure as an end in itself is – to varying degrees, depending on the group – deadly folly. According to traditional medieval theology, the body and its pleasures are to be treated with disdain. If you ‘abuse’ yourself you may go insane or blind. Indeed the derivation of the word (Latin manus – hand, and stuprare - to defile) has a pejorative connotation. Pope Leo IX forbade masturbators from being admitted to sacred orders. Aquinas believed masturbation was a worse sin than rape, incest, and adultery. (Reason: in these other sins procreation is a possibility. I read of a teaching brother in a Catholic boys' school say: 'Son, do you realize every time you masturbation, your emission is killing thousands - possibly millions - of babies!'). The Jansenists, in the seventeenth century held that the human body is inherently evil.

I found this somewhere: ‘Scientists compounded the fear and loathing – like the 18th century Swiss physician Tissot who believed that blood-flow changes during any kind of sex would cause nerve damage and perhaps insanity; masturbation was especially hazardous. (Those who cared for inmates of insane institutions noted how they frequently masturbated). In the first published psychiatric text published in America, physician Benjamin Rush attributed mania, seminal weakness, dimness of sight, epilepsy, loss of memory, and even death to masturbation. Anti-masturbatory devices became available, including a tube lined with metal spikes that fits over the penis. Until this century, young men in Catholic institutions were sometimes put to bed in straitjackets or with their hands tied to bedposts to make sure they didn’t do it. Then there was Kellogg, the cornflakes man, who invented the cereal as one element of a diet he thought would quench the sex drive. For those masturbators whom snacks could not cure, Kellogg suggested circumcision without anaesthesia. Finally, around the turn of the 20th century, physicians started to realize that masturbation was not the evil earlier generations thought it was (despite Freud, who said masturbation may cause a neurosis characterized by fatigue, worry, and lack of physical and mental alertness). Still, it was not until 1940 that a respected textbook, “Diseases of Infancy and Childhood,” removed its discussion of masturbation from the chapter titled “Functional and Nervous Disorders.”‘

Onan’s sin (Genesis 38:4-10, 46:12, Numbers 26:19, 1 Chronicles 2:30) was not masturbation but failure to impregnate his dead brothers’ wife, Tamar. Under the Mosaic law, if a husband died without his wife having a child, the man’s brother was required to marry her and try to get her pregnant, so she would not have to suffer the disgrace of being a woman without children. But Onan didn’t want any children of Tamar to be heirs to his brother’s estate, so he practised 'coitus interruptus' to prevent her from conceiving. His punishment wasn’t for masturbating or coitus interruptus, it was for deliberately disobeying a specific requirement of this ancient law.

This moral/ceremonial requirement of the law has to be put into the context of Israel’s purification rituals. ‘Who shall stand in the Lord’s holy place? Whoever has clean hands and a pure heart…’ (Psalm 24:3,4). Most religions have ceremonial rites associated with washing, and Israel was no exception. The Israelites put ‘unclean’ things into five categories: some foods, diseases (especially leprosy), bodily discharges, dead bodies, and idolatry. I remember reading a book by a Dr. Macmillan (‘None of These Diseases’ – I think it’s still in print) which says that Jews have always had higher survival rates (eg. during the Black Death) than others because of their purification laws. For example in many Greek and Roman cities the dump was located in the middle of the city. But God instructed the Israelites to take their garbage outside the city. Similarly with washing your hands after touching a dead body. These purification rites do not condemn masturbation (if anything, a ‘discharge’ is accepted as the sort of thing that frequently happens).

Summary:

The Bible says nothing specifically in favor or against masturbation. Sorry about that.

The Liberal Approach

Masturbation and pornography are not evil in themselves according to many liberal Christians. After all, it’s your own body and your own private life and may be a form of very safe sex.

I found this somewhere: ‘Kinsey and the latest Sex in America report show there’s a whole lot of shaking going on. Today’s sex researchers have come to grips with the fact that masturbation has important physical and emotional benefits for both men and women. ‘Masturbation is a normal, natural activity throughout life,’ says Robert Pollack, a psychology professor at the University of Georgia. It may even contribute to mental health and not doing it may lead to psychosexual problems.

‘For men, masturbation or regular sex is good for the prostate and can prevent painful prostate blockage. For women it can help reduce cramping and for both men and women has been shown to have a healthy effect on the immune systems as well as reducing overall tension and helping emotions.

‘Besides being healthy for the body, a private grope can help both a man and a woman better understand their own sexuality. If you can learn to lie back and enjoy it and really pay attention to the pleasure it gives your body – no one knows better than you what gives you maximum pleasure – you can share that knowledge with a partner and have more mutually fulfilling sexual pleasure sharing. The self-awareness gained from masturbation makes it a central feature of many sex therapy programs.

‘Evolution may have even designed us to be masturbators. Notice when you are standing where your hand falls if you hang it in front of you. Apes do it, dogs and cats do it, elephants do it and even porcupines have been observed doing it, probably very carefully. One reason we may be so programmed, paradoxically, is to increase our odds of producing offspring. Older sperm can lose their ability to swim well. A good masturbatory flush guarantees fresh, robust sperm for mating.

‘Storing seminal fluids for long periods can also cause prostate congestion, which in turn can lead to urinary and ejaculatory pain. Regular ejaculations, either through masturbation or intercourse, can help ward off this condition, also called non-specific prostatitis and, for obvious reasons, “sailor’s disease” and “priest’s disease.”

‘Another reason why nature designed us to masturbate is to strengthen PC muscles, much like “Kegel” exercises. This is especially true in females where strong PC muscles are practically the sole factor in whether labor is easy and fast or long and difficult. Females masturbating regularly with multiple orgasms would develop strong PC muscles and should have easier labor.

‘Masturbation is also an ever-renewable health resource. In fact, the people who start the earliest and do it the most often are the ones who do it longest into old age. So, as with all sexual activity, it’s “use it or lose it.”‘ And so on…

But both conservatives and liberals may be missing the point. Conservatives may be wrong: not all masturbation is sinful. Liberals may be wrong: some masturbation may be harmful or even evil.

‘Lonely’ masturbation is self-isolating sex without intimacy. It disassociates the sexual act from a loving relationship, and is therefore often a symptom of a deeper problem. When an act is purely centered on self, it can become spiritually unhealthy. Many gays I counsel have a particular problem here.

Now, in the context of a marriage spouses caress one another for mutual gratification. And I know some couples who agree to masturbate to avoid sin when apart. Those who travel on business are particularly vulnerable: I know men who masturbate to fantasize about their wife and to prevent thinking of other objects of sexual fantasy or to avoid getting involved with porn in lonely motels. And masturbation can provide a non-destructive genital outlet when sexual intercourse is not possible e.g. for celibates, or those with sick spouses.

For Christians, I’ve found there are three broad issues.

First, the masturbation habit has produced heaps of bad shame, guilt, confusion and condemnation in a lot of people, particularly younger Christians. Most of it has been stoked by guilt-producing preaching. It’s the old story: the intolerant pharisee in us all majoring on sins of the flesh rather than on sins of the spirit, which are worse, according to Jesus.

The second issue is self-control – a product of the Holy Spirit’s presence in our lives (Galatians 5:23, 2 Timothy 1:7). If a habit has mastery over us – particularly if it is obsessive – it can be a serious problem. If, for example, you are going to great lengths trying to find nudity on the net to masturbate, that becomes a 'bondage'. Without self-control we will never mature – in life or in the Christian life. Remember – ‘First a thought, then an act’ – so it's a good idea never to read pornographic material alone (what consensual married partners do in private in this area is another matter).

A pastor's wife in a happy marriage, but with a low-libidoed partner - tells me a helpful solution for her is this: once a week, when she knows her husband is out all morning, she runs a warm bath, adds perfumed bath salts, plays 'sacred music' and offers her sexuality to Jesus in an hour of pure 'praise and worship.' Beautiful!

The Christian conservatives have mostly been wrong. To quote the relevant article in the respected Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counseling (Abingdon, 1990): ‘There is no evidence that masturbation, regardless of frequency, leads to physical or mental disorders. [Sneezing and masturbation] are both usually orgasmic experiences in which tensions are relieved… Never has a more harmless activity provoked more harmful anxiety.’

But is it totally harmless?

The problem with liberal thinking is its denial of the self-centeredness of this habit. This means that for years you know how to gratify self and when you are with your marriage partner, self may still be the focus of your sexual relationship. This is dangerous to a marriage because you may not be seeking what will make your partner happy but purely your own fulfilment. And let’s not 'kid' ourselves: pornography was created largely to simulate lust – and for masturbation. They both go hand in hand. You have to take control of your own life. Don’t let your sex organs do your thinking for you. My strong suggestion to those whose habit is out of control: feed your mind with good things (Philippians 4:8). Learn to pray well. Burn all your pornography and don’t ever buy any more. Get one or two trusted others to pray with/for you and keep in touch.

To teenagers I hear myself saying: ‘Sexuality is not evil. This is not something strange you are going through. God knows you are a sexual being and created you that way. God created you to have a blessed sexual relationship with your spouse. We were born with sexual urges and even if you you become a eunuch you'll have a sex drive until you are old and grey. That is not sin. Puberty is preparing you for the adult world. You have new desires and you are in unfamiliar territory. The human body was created to be able to reproduce. Part of the reproductive process is stimulation of the genitals, and for men erection and ejaculation. In pre-industrial cultures, when children reached puberty and they started maturing sexually, they married. When they got the urge, it was time to marry. Better to marry than to ‘burn’ writes an ancient Christian, St Paul. Today, there is such a great gulf between the first sexual urges and the age where a human is mature enough to accept all the responsibilities of marriage and a family. When nakedness is being hidden from children and adolescence, it is supposedly done so that the sexual urge will not be fed.’

To married couples I hear myself saying: ‘Talk about your sexuality frankly with your partner. Learn what is pleasurable for you and teach your spouse: he or she hasn’t got your body, and they won’t know instinctively. For some women whose sexual needs are not as demanding as their male partner’s, and who need more time to climax, you may agree to offer the gift of frequency in exchange for the gift of time. Today’s glossy magazines promise mutual orgasms whenever you want them. Life isn’t like that for most people. Certainly mutual orgasmic experience is wonderful: but it won’t always be mutual – not even the crescendos. Orgasms – fast or slow, mild or wild – are not the basic goal of sex, but rather mutual love and intimacy…’

ROUGH UPDATE TO HERE... 040314 NOON

At this point some are asking, ‘OK. Rowland what do you really think about masturbation?’

This quote from evangelical counselor/ author Gary Collins would represent my own general position:

‘Christian counselors differ in their view of masturbation. It has been called ‘sin’, ‘a gift from God’, and an issue which is ‘no big deal… on God’s list of priorities.... Masturbation can… produce guilt; can be a means of escaping from loneliness and interpersonal (including sexual) relationships with others into a world of fantasy; can increase self-centredness and lowered self-esteem; and can stimulate and be stimulated by lust… Masturbation is rarely helped by a direct determination to quit. This focuses attention on the issue, increases anxiety, and makes failure more incriminating. Masturbation can be reduced by prayer, a sincere willingness to let the Holy Spirit control, involvement in busy activities involving others, an avoidance of sexually arousing material (such as erotic pictures or novels), a practice of not dwelling on harmful sexual fantasies, and a recognition that sin (including lust) will be forgiven when it is confessed with sincerity and sorrow… When there is open communication on the subject of sex, including masturbation… it will… not become a major problem… It’s high time we stop making such a ‘big deal’ out of masturbation and give it the well-deserved unimportance it merits.'

Gary Collins, Christian Counseling, Waco Texas: Word Books, 1980, p.296, from Rowland Croucher, The Family: at Home in a Heartless World (HarperCollins), quoted with permission.

Rowland Croucher

~~~

And a note from a netfriend:

~~~

See here for one person’s summary about what the Bible teaches on Masturbation (you might be surprised!).

Note from a friend (who is a retired Baptist minister):

When fundamentalists say gays should remain celibate and not masturbate, I shake my head. It is almost a total denial of who are we are as people.

Actually it is very important for gays to masturbate for two reasons.

2. Suppression of masturbation can lead to prostatitis or other health issues and they can be serious. It is also one of the main reasons why I strongly support gay marriage. How much better to wait and fall deeply in love with another man, marry him and spend the rest of their lives together in a monogamous relationship; rather than cruise around gay bars and saunas thinking they can find love by having sex.

My verse for today on my desk is Psalm 20:4 “May he give you the desire of your heart.” Can I be totally honest? The desire of my heart every day and every night is to be married to a lovely gay Christian man. I would spoil him rotten. It is never going to happen for me, but I really wish that happiness for all my gay friends.

Masturbation: (Another) Christian Perspective

Does the Bible have anything to say about masturbation? See here: you might be surprised

This article on a newsgroup was in response to this one:

http://www.jmm.org.au/articles/4884.htm

Re: Masturbation: A Christian Perspective

Please note that when there was a spillage of semen a person was only

unclean for the evening. And that when you had normal sex that day, you

were unclean for the evening because of the spillage of semen.

Please note that verse 16 of Lev. 15 talks about the simple spillage of

semen without a woman involved and this meant only being unclean until

the evening and washing one's garments. But then in verse 18 it

specifically speaks of copulation with a woman and both being unclean.

So verse 16 refers to spillage of semen apart from sex with a woman.

The reference? MASTURBATION. So it was no more of a sin than normal

sex with your wife.

Furthermore, it is referred euphemistically in the OT twice as "covering

one's feet." This was the incident when David cut the back out of

Saul's coat when he was alone in a cave to "ease nature" as some

translations put it. But Saul wouldn't have gone into a cave just to

use the rest room. He would have simply went outside his tent and taken

care of that as all his soldiers did. But in order to masturbate and

relieve oneself sexually, it takes TIME and most of all PRIVACY. And

that's why he went into the cave and that's why David had time to cut

the back of his coat. Saul probably didn't notice him because he was

concentrating on something else....

The other incident of "covering one's feet" was when King Eglon was

killed and locked up on his summer porch. His servants thinking he

wanted privacy for a while thought he was "covering his feet" or

masturbating in private until they finally broke in to check on him and

found him dead.

The euphemism, "covering ones feet" comes from the Jewish practice of

standing while masturbating in a private place and thus the need to

cover one's feet in order to protect it from dropping semen. Of course,

as you pointed out, semen soils the clothes and anything it touches to

if one were really careful, they could get away with a minimal of

ceremonial uncleanness and not have to bathe if no semen touched their

flesh but fell to the ground on a cloth covering their feet. So it

became known as "covering one's feet."

But the fact is, men have desires and when they release semen it

relieves sexual tension. How many wives complain when their husbands

masturbate and ignore them? If boys were required to masturbate

a half hour before going on dates in order to lower their sexual drive

how many dates would be broken? Lots!

Thus, when men are single and the semen builds up, they are more prone

to temptation since the desire gets stronger as the semen builds up.

So Paul encouraged Christians to very modestly learn how to relieve

themselves (masturbate) in order not to be tempted into fornication

by trying to ignore natural sexual desires. But he didn't mean that

one was to fantasize about immorality but only sexuality under normal

Christian circumstances. Thus the Bible not only condones masturbation,

but RECOMMENDS it to help control sexual desires and temptation for

those who do not have that outlet normally with a wife.

Here is the specific reference to MASTURBATION in the NT, which is

called euphemistically, "to get a hand on one's vessel":

1 Thess 4:3:

"For this is what God wills, the sanctifying of you, that you abstain

from fornication"

(NOTE THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WILL HELP THEM ABSTAIN FROM FORNICATION).

4 "that each one of you should know how to get possession of his own

vessel with sanctification and honor..."

THAT IS, THAT EACH ONE SHOULD LEARN HOW TO MASTURBATE (HOLD ONE'S

VESSEL, HOLD ONE'S ORGAN) IN A WAY THAT IS APPROPRIATE. SANCTIFICATION

AND HONOR ARE BOTH TERMS RELATED TO "MARITAL"... THUS ONE SHOULD LEARN

TO MASTURBATE IN AN HONORABLE, NOT DISHONORABLE WAY...BUT HE

CONTINUES...

5. "not in covetous sexual appetite such as also those nations have which

do not know God."

"COVETOUS SEXUAL APPETITE" MEANS WANTING SOMETHING THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE.

BASICALLY, FOR CHRISTIANS, WANTING ANY TYPE OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY THAT A

CHRISTIAN WOULD NOT APPROVE. SO SINCE SOME FANTASY THOUGHTS ARE

INVOLVED WITH MASTURBATION, THE CHRISTIAN IS BEING TOLD HE SHOULD NOT

FANTASIZE ABOUT ANYTHING THAT A CHRISTIAN WOULD NOT ORDINARILY DO

SEXUALLY. IN OTHER WORDS, JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN RELIEVE YOURSELF THIS

WAY, YOU SHOULDN'T USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO FANTASIZE ABOUT BEING PICKED

UP AT A SINGLES' BAR BY TWO OR THREE GIRLS AND HAVING AN ORGY!!! THAT

WOULD BE "COVETOUS" OF THE WRONG THING. INSTEAD, THE FANTASY COULD BE

ABOUT ANY CHRISTIAN SETTING, SUCH AS YOUR WIFE IS ON A BUSINESS TRIP FOR

2 MONTHS AND SHE'S JUST GETTING BACK ON THE PLANE TONIGHT, SO YOU DECIDE

SINCE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN A LONG TIME THAT YOU'LL PICK HER UP WITH

THE VAN INSTEAD OF THE TWO-SEAT SPORTS CAR, AND YOU CONVENIENTLY PARK IN

THE OVERNIGHT DISCOUNT PARKING SECTION....

But one thing Paul definitely warns against, are others trying to tell

you how to do this!!! It is so easy to make rules. And a person's

conscience before God is his own. So how often or what thoughts, etc.

is left up to the individual Christian with the above guidelines.

Here's the warning in the next verse:

6 "that NO ONE go to the point of harming and encroach upon the RIGHTS

of his brother in this matter.. because God is one who exacts punishment

for these things..."

That is, it is not the Church's or anybody else's right to tell a

Christian not to masturbate if he feels a need to to relieve his sexual

tensions, nor to try to regulate him, since this might stumble him and

these are his PERSONAL MATTERS. These are his RIGHTS to do so with his

own conscience before God.

So in conclusion, MASTURBATION, is suggested as an activity which might

spill semen apart from sex with a woman at Lev. 15:16 and the only

consequence was simply ceremonial uncleanness for the day, the same as

normal intercourse with a woman. Even when a woman had her menstrual

cycle she was unclean. So this was considered natural. And since

masturbation can help to regulate natural sexual desires, Paul

recommends it to help reduce the temptation for fornication. It makes a

big difference if a Christian is always fighting back desires and trying

not to masturbate all the time than when he simply takes care of this

urge in a simple manner on a regular basis so he can focus on more

spiritual things, keeping his thoughts appropriately in line with

Christian sexuality.

It is not dirty. It is not unclean.

On the other hand, many know that there is a great failure rate in

trying not to dwell on sexuality when one is trying to stay completely

asexual and this sometimes leads to excessive sexual-related

preoccupations that can be dangerous.

Bottom line is that the natural build-up of semen definitely increases

the sexual urge but after release of semen the sexual urge is greatly

diminished. So it is a practical exercise for Christians to help

control their desires, particularly for HOMOSEXUALS who would not

otherwise be fulfilled in a material relationship. When someone is

holding all their sexual urges until marriage the temptation for

fornication is much greater. But for those who can masturbate without

guilt, they may not even want or need to get married since it is

sufficiently satisfying to take care of that urge. The primary issue is

not being tempted by one's desires. For those who need more, there is

marriage with the opposite sex, even for gays. Modest masturbation can

be a saving gift for those who choose to be single since in reality it

gets their mind off sex and they don't spend all their time feeling

guilty and being tempted and facing trying to control natural urges.

They can just GO WITH THE FLOW, enjoy themselves for a few moments and

feel relieved from sexual tensions for the moment and go on with their

lives. The only precaution is not to use this to cultivate sexual

appetite. It is supposed to DECREASE desire not increase it.

IN PRACTICE it works since in order to create a sensual fantasy

involving a wife takes a certain amount of controlled energy and that

diminishes the capacity for excessive masturbation since it takes brain

power and the level of excitability drastically reduces immediately

after the first emission.

So it is much more difficult to create arousal when your fantasies are

limited to a marital situation after the first or second time. Whereas

it is quite easy to do so after a few days since very little fantasy is

needed because the natural excitability is so high in direct relation to

the build-up of semen. Between the two, therefore, there is a happy

medium of regulation without the temptation to excessive sexual

appetite. But still, no Christian is to impose their views on this upon

any other. That is a private issue for each Christian.

Thanks for considering the BIBLE's VIEW of MASTURBATION.

Posted anonymously

Is masturbation wrong?

by Matt Slick

The Bible does not discuss masturbation at all. This seems a little odd since it is such a strong and prevalent human event. And, given that Leviticus has so much to say about sexuality, one would think it natural that the subject would be covered. But it isn't. Masturbation is not specifically declared to be sinful. Nevertheless, we must be cautious to pronounce something to be sinful or not sinful when God has not discussed it. Therefore, we have to derive principles from scripture on related sexual issues and see if we can wisely apply them to the subject of masturbation.

First of all, sex was created by God for procreative purposes, physical enjoyment, and the demonstration of intimacy between a husband and a wife. In this context, the sexual act is intended to occur in a healthy marriage relationship between husband and wife in purity and holiness. In contrast to this, masturbation is the self-stimulation to the point of sexual release without the gifting of a spouse. It would seem that masturbation is a denial of the sexual design of God for couples. But, is it sinful? Again, answering this question is difficult because the Bible does not pronounce it as sin. Nevertheless, there is the principle of purity that is obviously true. Does masturbation fall under the category of purity?

We can say this for sure. If masturbation involves sexual fantasies and/or pornography, then it is certainly not pure and is very sinful. The Bible clearly teaches that our minds are as important to God as our bodies are and that we are to remain pure in both. Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery'; ²⁸but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart," (Matt. 5:27-28). Jesus is saying that thinking lustful thoughts is sinful. Therefore, masturbation involving sexual fantasies (at least not of one's spouse) is undoubtedly sinful.

But this brings up the issue of a spouse masturbating while thinking of his/her spouse. Is it sinful? Again, since the Bible does not declare it sinful, can we? Let's say that a wife is incapacitated by an accident and is in the hospital for an extended period of time. Is it alright for the husband to masturbate if he thinks only of his wife in order to relieve sexual tension? Again, without a specific declaration of scripture it is difficult pronounce it as sinful. On the one hand, his body is not his own and it is for his wife and he is not to be mastered by anything (1 Cor. 6:12). But on the other hand, she is not available. Would his masturbation be sinful should he commit it if he only thought of his wife? I cannot say for sure.

Then again, what if someone masturbates with absolutely no sexual fantasy of any sort. Is it then sinful? Again, this is difficult to answer. But, since the Bible doesn't condemn or condone it, can we make dogmatic assertions? Furthermore, what if a person masturbates in order to reduce the sexual urge in an attempt to not commit fornication? Certainly, actual fornication would be a sin, and masturbation would be preferable in this instance. But does this mean that the person is being mastered by the flesh? If so, then that would be wrong. But, does it mean then that a self-release of sexual tension is then acceptable if it is to avoid fornication? Again, since the Bible does not declare masturbation a sin, I cannot say it is.

Let's look at some verses that speak of sexual morality. I will comment after each one.

1 Cor. 6:18, "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body."

The Greek word for "immorality" is porneia which means illicit sexual intercourse, i.e., fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, bestiality, etc. The English word "pornography" is derived from this Greek word.

Eph. 5:3, "But do not let immorality or any impurity or greed even be named among you, as is proper among saints."

Again, the word for "immorality" is porneia.

Col. 3:5, "Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry."

Again, the word for "immorality" is porneia.

1 Thess. 4:2-5, "For you know what commandments we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. ³ For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; ⁴ that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, ⁵ not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God."

Again, the word for "sexual immorality" is porneia. The reference in verse four to "own vessel" is to having a wife so that fornication would be avoided.

Conclusion

The goal of the Christian life is to be pure in thought and deed. I believe that the issue of masturbation comes down to this. Therefore, I believe that though masturbation under certain circumstances may not be sinful, the desire to be sexual pure and holy should move the Christian to avoid it. Instead, he or she should seek to master the body and not give into its desires. The fight against masturbation can be a lesson in controlling the body which can have great spiritual benefits. Giving in to masturbation can have spiritual consequences and mastering the body can bring great spiritual benefit. Perhaps God did not mention masturbation the Bible because He is so aware of our sinful tendencies, our situations, our difficulties, etc., and desires that we seek holiness and purity by seeking to master our own flesh. If God had declared that it was not a sin, then we can rest assured that we would misuse the act and become enslaved by it.

If, however, you are bound by masturbation and war against it because it masters you, then you continually need to go to the cross and ask the Lord to forgive you. Also, pray and ask the Lord to provide you a spouse so that you would not fall into bondage of the flesh.

What about Onan in Gen. 38:9?

Some erringly cite Onan in Gen. 38:9 who spilled his seed on the ground, as a justification for masturbation. But this is a mistake since this is not dealing with masturbation.

"And Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so it came about that when he went in to his brotherâ€™s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground, in order not to give offspring to his brother," (Gen. 38:9).

This is not about masturbation. It is about the failure of Onan to give children to Tamar, the widow of his brother, and fulfill his duty to raise offspring in his brother's name. By refusing his obligation, he sinned.

http://carm.org/masturbation

Home > 2012 > January

Getting to the Root of Female Masturbation

Jan 5 2012

And the surprising role the church can play in helping women curb addiction to it.

Marlena Graves

Read as Single Page

Angela* sits down in my office. After a long conversation about love and God and concerns over family and employment after graduation, she falls silent. I sense she is weighing whether or not to continue the conversation. Then, in a burst of bravado, she plows through her reservations and blurts out: "I struggle with masturbation."

Earlier this semester, Jasmine*, another student, asked me to mentor her. In our first meeting, she revealed that she has struggled with masturbation since junior high but has managed not to masturbate for two years.

Angela has been sexually active and comes from a family that professes to be Christian but is inundated with perversion. Jasmine, on the other hand, appears to be the "perfect" Christian girl, ministering alongside her father (the pastor of her church) and her mother. Her family appears to be relatively healthy. Jasmine has not been sexually active with another person.

These two lovely young women, from distinctly different backgrounds, seek to be faithful followers of Jesus. For them, and I imagine other women, masturbation is about much more than sheer pleasure.

Do we Christians make much ado about nothing when it comes to masturbation? Many of the college students I work with wonder whether it is a categorical sin, a harmless way to relieve sexual tension and stress, or something in between. Opinions vary among Christian leaders. In an e-booklet aimed at men, Mark Driscoll doesn't mince any words about masturbation. The Mars Hill pastor states:

What I am not counting as masturbation is the manual stimulation between married people whereby a husband and wife enjoy pleasuring one another's genitals, as taught in the Scriptures, either orally (Song 2:3; 4:12) or with their hands (Song 2:6). I am also not classifying as masturbation self-stimulation done with the blessing and in the presence of one's spouse …. What I am referring to by masturbation is self-pleasuring done in isolation that is usually also accompanied with unbiblical lust.

If masturbation is done alone and accompanied by lust, then it is a sin, Driscoll maintains. Focus on the Family takes a less direct angle. They state:

The Bible never directly addresses it, and Christian leaders differ widely in their understanding of its spiritual and moral implications …. This is an area where we have to be careful about laying down hard and fast rules or making definitive statements about the mind of God … it seems to us that there's little to be gained by labeling the act of masturbation itself a 'sin.' In fact, in some ways, we think it misses the point.

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Laleha Black

February 15, 2014

I see a number of people saying that people who masturbate usually do so while viewing pornography. I know from personal experience that this is not always true. I sincerely believe that this issue has a massive gray area and should be evaluated on a case by case basis; those who are not afflicted by this particular activity should strive to view it objectively, and not based on their personal opinions. Most importantly, pray for the afflicted. The fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:13-16. God bless.

Ron Stebbins

January 20, 2014

Forgive me, but the Church should not play any role in this other than continue to minister to people the word of God as it is written. The key to all sexual sin is "Lust". So then, shouldn't our pastors address this instead of saying the act itself is a sin? This is a personal decision and one each Christian should take to God and him alone. Resolve to this issue is easy. Either your Lusting or your not. Learn what "Lust" is and you have it solved. Many of us have different sex drives from our spouses. We are also separated at times for various reasons. It would make sense that instead of being scared of the act itself, that understanding and discernment be foremost in your mind if your questioning it. After all, being a Christian is a personal walk with your savior, not with those who have answers only for themselves stating their personal views. Be careful, and discern if someone is giving their opinion or if it is biblical.

audrey ruth

December 10, 2013

Jesus said that God wants us to be holy. For me, this issue is about the heart. Jesus said that if a man looks on a woman to lust after her in his heart (which addresses mental images in one's mind), he has committed adultery (or fornication) already, and He says both are sin, period. People typically masturbate while viewing porn. It seems to me that IF married couples masturbated (themselves or each other) because one or both could not participate in normal sex, or a widowed person masturbated while thinking of his or her departed loved one, that would be different. In the latter case, though, it would be far better if that person remarried and had normal married sex.

Jo Thierry

November 30, 2013

This topic came up during a young woman's bible study many many years ago I was co leading. It became a very heated topic. I could not speak to it because I had not studied it, it was not something that I ever thought about. I quickly learned that this was something important going on in peoples lives. I therefore purposed to study and pray on this to be prepared for an answer. For instance, I had a pastor friend, his wife abandoned him and their kids. He was celibate for over four years and did not masturbate. Over the years of being aroused (you wont believe what women do to try and seduce pastors) and not releasing, he formed knots in his testicular area and had to surgically get them removed. It was scary we though he had cancer but it was simply from not having sexual release for so long. I felt really bad for him. My final on the subject again, this is not black and white. One needs to search God and themselves for why you are engaging and if sin is truly involved.

Jo Thierry

November 30, 2013

As to whether one should or should not masturbate, there is no black and white line frankly. Is masturbation sex? There is no black and white line. If engaging in fantasy about someone and you are not married, or watching porn its sex and sin. Masturbation has medicinal benefits physically and mentally. Orgasm release can cleans the cavities of old fluids and etc. Stimulation of breast tissue contracts the uterus and and has been recommended by physicians around child birth. More needs to be learned especially for women. Masturbation can be beneficial for prostate health as well.

Jo Thierry

November 30, 2013

Yes some people lust look at porn when self pleasuring. But masturbation does not require this. You can just on the physicality, stimulate yourself without any imagery, or human association. The bible speaks of masturbation. That word exactly, no. Not sure when that word came to be. The Leviticus text clearly talks of a mans seed spilling and cleanliness laws while in the pulpit and other sexual laws. Also the song of Solomon is a very sexual book which includes great passion, including oral sex, desire, pretty much the gamut. Many sexual acts are frowned in the bible fornication, adultery, incest, sodomy and homosexuality. The church is ashamed of sex. Not sure of why since God created it. Also not sure why we aren't authorities on the matter instead of the seedy dark imagery Satan has distorted via pornography. Sex is beautiful and pure and holy.

Tamara Rincon

November 08, 2013

Why is there resistance to the idea that some women masturbate/have sex/read erotica simply because they enjoy it? Nobody ever says that a man does these things because he needs nonsexual love from his friends or to cope with stress or to feel desirable to women.

Gwen Miller

October 19, 2013

Hello Everyone, This is a very interesting conversation,and one I have had many heartfelt questions about myself. I would like to know,and prayerfully someone can answer this for me, "what is the solution to being fulfilled as a widower,one who has been married and have enjoyed holy marital love with a loving spouse,who is now Alone, because of the husband's death,yet wouldn't dare go out looking for sexual fulfillment or encounters with the opposite sex,or any kind of sex,knowing that is "obvious sin" against God, endangering yourself to so many other dangers,as well as "soul-ties". What is the Biblical standpoint,and Scripture references for the widow or widower,whose enjoyed having a loving partner-husband or wife and no longer have that,what do you do with your "sexual life? I have been "abstinent for 12yrs,without my husband,or any mate.nor do I suffer from a seared conscience. I am assured of my Lord Keeping me strong in my walk of abstinence.

Richard Magnus

October 18, 2013

I think we need to refrain from having a "position" on masturbation, since the Bible doesn't directly address it. The shame and addiction that some experience needs to be treated on a case-by-case basis, taking into account the individual's life circumstance and background. If we try to state a doctrinal position on something like this, we just open a huge can of worms. For example, if you look at animated porn, is it still lust, since the woman does not actually exist? Can you masturbate while thinking of your spouse? Can you imagine that someone is your spouse? All these questions bring us down a rabbit hole of silliness that would quickly compound to rival the worst of Roman Catholic canon law or Rabbinical Talmud folly. Evangelicalism can do well without that. And why on earth would anyone look to Mark Driscoll for advice on anything?

Jim Boyd

October 14, 2013

When you separate masturbation from "lust" and tie it into loneliness and the desire to be loved and be part of a relationship with another human being who cares, really cares about you, even in a "safe' fantasy world, then masturbation becomes a safe form of feeling close and connected to another human being. Even in marriage, there is loneliness. Billy Graham once said that Loneliness is a world-wide epidemic. We already have so many things we already call sin, let's not add another. When will chocolates be next?

http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2012/january/getting-to-root-of-female-masturbation.html

Christians & Masturbation: Seven Perspectives

When I first introduced our yearlong series on Sexuality & The Church, I polled you for your input and ideas, and the most popular suggestion came from a reader named Lucy who wrote:

“With sexuality (and with singleness) could you look at masturbation from a theological perspective? I think it is something that maybe teenage guys hear about all the time, but rarely even gets whispered about among women. And it's not that I think there would be different rules, but rather I need a theological framework in which to think about it, and no one wants to even begin talking. I'm single and in my 30s and my non-Christian friends think ‘contentment in singleness’ is a euphemism for something. Are they right?”

I wanted to get a diversity of perspectives in response to this question, so I contacted several folks whose opinion on matters related to sexuality I respect, and asked them this question:

Is masturbation an acceptable component to healthy sexuality for Christians?

Below are responses from Abigail Rine, Anna Broadway, Richard Beck, Dianna Anderson, Matthew Lee Anderson, Jenell Williams Paris, and Tara Owens. I hope you learn as much from them as I did!

Abigail Rine

Abigail Rine teaches literature and gender studies at George Fox University. She writes for The Atlantic Sexesand is the author of the forthcoming book Irigaray, Incarnation and Contemporary Women’s Fiction. Find her at Mama Unabridged or on Twitter.

I am sure others are better equipped to speak to the biblical/theological dimension of this conversation, so I’ll just say that I do not see the Bible as giving any sort of indictment against masturbation, although a puritanical narrative of sexuality is often imposed upon the Bible to make it seem that way. I think that masturbation can absolutely be a healthy part of both married and unmarried sexuality. (Of course, any sexual behavior can be distorted and used in unhealthy ways, but I’m not going to go into detail about that either, because that is often where the conversation begins and ends.) Instead, I’m going to give some specific examples of how I see masturbation as a healthy part of sexuality:

1) For those who plan to wait until marriage to have sex, masturbation can be a healthy way of dealing with natural sexual desire while single. The expectation that young men and women should go ten or fifteen years or more beyond puberty without expressing their sexuality in any way – and then suddenly “turn it on” when married – is, I believe, completely unrealistic and potentially harmful. How can we expect people to embrace the sexual dimension of embodiment in marriage while pushing the message that touching certain parts of one’s own body is inherently dirty and shameful?

2) Speaking about female sexuality in particular: we have this naïve idea that all women can reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone, which is just not physiologically true for the majority of women. I think masturbation can be an excellent way for individual women to learn the uniqueness of their bodies and how they experience pleasure, which can then be communicated to a spouse.

3) To get a little more personal: I had a baby six months ago, and in the wake of the physical trauma of childbirth, I felt like my body had been totally rewired. For the first time, I began to dread and fear having sex with my husband, which was incredibly disconcerting. Exploring my own body has been very helpful in making me feel physically normal and like a sexual being again – and this had fed directly into rebooting my sex life with my husband. I am also glad that my husband was able to use masturbation to get sexual release while I was physically unable to have sex with him – this took the pressure off of me while I was coping with the intense physical and emotional demands of caring for a newborn and recovering from pregnancy/birth.

Anna Broadway

Anna Broadway is a writer, avid knitter, and modestly ambitious cook living near San Francisco. The author ofSexless in the City: A Memoir of Reluctant Chastity, she holds an M.A. in religious studies from Arizona State University and has written for The Atlantic website, Books and Culture, Paste, The Journal of the History of Sexuality, Christianity Today, Beliefnet and other publications. Find her at sexlessinthecity.net or onTwitter.

Whether or not masturbation can be part of healthy sexuality depends on how we define the second part of the question: healthy sexuality. Based on my reading of the Bible, I believe sex is one of the many ways God created humans to bear the image of our maker in the world.

Who is that maker? According to the historic, creedal understanding, a triune God: one being, three persons. That paradox is very difficult to understand, but I think that's one reason God created both man and woman — the multiple persons in the trinity couldn't be represented in human form without different types of persons. How then are we to understand the profound unity possible between the different persons of the Trinity? I would argue the best picture God gave us was marriage — and in particular the sexual union between man and wife.

If that's true, it's hard to escape the conclusion that the primary purpose of sex is profoundly relational: it's meant to tightly unify husband and wife in a profound, material metaphor of the self-giving love shared within the Trinity. So when it comes to masturbation, I have had to conclude that it falls short of God's intention for human sexuality. In my randiest, loneliest moments, I can certainly wish for a different conviction, but even then, what I most desire is not the freedom to masturbate with a clear conscience, but to be married and near enough to that spouse to once again fumble our way through the best earthly picture we have of the Trinity's penultimate love.

Richard Beck

In addition to being one of my favorite bloggers, Richard Beck is Professor and Department Chair of Psychology at Abilene Christian University. He is the author of Unclean: Meditations on Purity, Hospitality, and Mortality and The Authenticity of Faith: The Varieties and Illusions of Religious Experience. Richard is married to Jana and they have two sons, Brenden and Aidan. He blogs at Experimental Theology.

First, I'd like to bring up the issue of Internet pornography and its relationship to masturbation. With the rise of Internet porn, the consumption of pornography has reached unprecedented levels. And it's difficult, to say the least, to reconcile that consumption and the support it gives to the adult entertainment industry with the Christian commitments of justice and love. To be sure, many will battle with pornography all their lives, like an alcoholic fights daily for sobriety. There must be grace for our failures, but this is a battle that must be fought.

And beyond issues related to justice, psychologists are only just beginning to grasp the full impact of pornography upon our brains and how those effects are creating sexual and relational dysfunction. For an introduction to the issues psychologists are beginning to examine see Gary Wilson's widely-viewed TED Talk.

That issue duly noted, let me get to my main points:

I think it is important to recognize how masturbation functions in the life of those who are single. And even for those who eventually get married, we need to note how marriage has become increasingly delayed in Western cultures. A 2011 Pew Report found that the median age of (first) marriages was 29 for men and 27 for women. In the 1960s the median averages for both genders was in the early 20s, and in ancient cultures we married as teenagers. Given this delay, how are we to manage our sex drive from the onset of puberty to wedding night? To say nothing of the sexual challenges involved in lifelong singleness.

All that to say, masturbation may be a vital aspect in how single persons cultivate and achieve sexual chastity. That is, masturbation may be a critical part in how a single person achieves emotional and sexual well-being if they hold to an ideal that sexual relations should only take place within a covenanted, life-long, monogamous relationship.

In short, I don't think the physical act of masturbation should be moralized. The real issue in this conversation, the big elephant in the room, is Jesus' prohibition against lust (cf. Matt. 5.27-28). Masturbation per se might not be a sin but what about the attendant lust? Can you masturbate to the point of orgasm without lust being a part of that experience?

And yet, I think this observation shifts the topic away from masturbation toward a theology of lust. What does it mean to lust? Should transitory erotic feelings be considered lust? Or is lust something more obsessive, persistent, greedy, covetous, acquisitive, and possessive in nature?

Because if transient erotic feelings are not lust then let me make a somewhat counterintuitive point: masturbation might be a great tool to combat lust.

Sexual arousal can be come psychically consuming, and debilitating, if not given a quick physiological outlet. We've all experienced this. When sexually aroused, it's hard to concentrate on anything else. Our mind is fixated on the object of arousal. And trying to repress these feelings often exacerbates them. How, then, to get past these feelings and impulses? Physiological release can help here. Masturbate, clear your head, and move on with your day. When masturbation is treated in this almost perfunctory manner, as a physiological catharsis, it can be a very healthy means of quickly ridding yourself of unwanted sexual feelings and distractions.

To be sure, if masturbation isn't being used in this perfunctory manner and is being accompanied by regular and possessive fantasies toward someone who isn't, say, your spouse, then more might need to be said, (along with what I said above about pornography). But again, the issue then is less with masturbation than lust and how that lust might be symptomatic of relational issues that need attention.

Dianna Anderson

Dianna Anderson is the author of the forthcoming book, DAMAGED GOODS, out in Spring 2015 from Jericho Books. When she is not writing, she is on the lookout for a new day job. She resides in the Chicago area. Find her on her blog or on Twitter.

Is masturbation an acceptable component to healthy sexuality?

Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Yes, absolutely. In fact, I might scratch "acceptable" from there and change it to "important."

I think, when thinking about this question, the first thing we need to do is separate masturbation from pornography. Masturbation is not de facto coupled with pornography, and therefore is not in itself problematic. A lot of Christians leap quickly from one to the other, and it's important to make a distinction. Pornography is a completely separate beast of a question.

Like sex itself, masturbation is sinful only insofar as you use it sinfully. And what counts as "sinfully" for one person may not be sinful for others. This, most of all, requires knowing and understanding yourself and what your limits are. If you don't feel comfortable masturbating because you feel like it takes you to a bad place where you objectify other people, then don't do it. We make mistakes in christendom when we assume that masturbation is problematic for some, so no one, ever, should do this private thing. That's a problem, because my lines about what is sinful are not your lines, and making you conform to my lines in something as intensely complicated as sexuality won't end well.

As far as it being a component of healthy sexuality, it can be a helpful tool for understanding yourself and what feels right and what doesn't before you ever enter into a sexual relationship. It can also make you more comfortable and more confident with your own body so that you are more comfortable when the time comes with a partner. Masturbation can be an important component of a healthy sexuality and can be an important part of a healthy sex life (if you're comfortable taking care of yourself, there's less pressure when you're with a partner). It can be misused and abused, like any good thing, certainly, but it can also be a great boon to understanding and becoming comfortable with yourself as well.

Matthew Lee Anderson

Matthew Lee Anderson is the author of Earthen Vessels: Why our Bodies Matter to our Faith and The End of our Exploring: A Book about Questioning and the Confidence of Faith. He blogs at Mere Orthodoxy.

If our ethic is to be Christian, then it must be qualified by the cross and resurrection of Jesus. That is to say, the pattern for our lives and actions must be shaped by a love that treats pleasure as the (sometimes delayed) fruit of our sacrificial self-giving for others, rather than a good without qualification.

If we disconnect the experience of sexual pleasure from the moment of giving ourselves for another, to another in love, we fundamentally distort the meaning of the human body in its sexual dimension. In the auto-eroticism of masturbation, we pursue a particular sort of satisfaction or a particular experience of pleasure. But it is through the mutual self-giving in love that our humanity is established (whether in sex or beyond), rather than the abstract experience of pleasure or the fulfillment of a craving or felt need. However enjoyable it might be, masturbation fails to fulfill this form of human sexuality, and as such is corrosive to the integrity of our persons and our intimacy of the Spirit.

Jenell Williams Paris

Jenell Williams Paris is a professor of anthropology at Messiah College in Grantham, PA, and the author ofThe End of Sexual Identity: Why Sex Is Too Important to Define Who We Are.

Christians often talk about the morality of masturbation as if, were it to be definitively deemed immoral, people would stop doing it. It seems to me that a better question is, “Given that most people masturbate, how can we see even this area of life in the light of faith?”

Social science research finds that most people masturbate, including both adolescents and adults, men and women (higher proportions of men than women), and those who are single, married, or partnered. Some people don’t do it at all, for a variety of reasons including faith conviction or partner expectations. Masturbation can be compulsive, but it isn’t necessarily. It doesn’t typically replace face-to-face relationships, but for younger people today, males especially, easy and constant access to pornography distorts their drive for, and their behavior in, relationships with women.

Masturbation is very much like all other dimensions of human sexuality, which is very much like spirituality. There is gift, beauty, understanding, and pleasure, but also mystery and not-knowing; we live with incomplete understanding of ourselves, our intimate partners, and the sacred. There is also temptation, darkness, and sin. In masturbation, marriage or intimate partnership, and in the spiritual life in general, we encounter confusing, disturbing, and unwanted impulses, fantasies, and behaviors.

Christianity is often reduced to a moral system that encourages (or harangues) people toward being good instead of bad. But like life in general, sex seems to defy our attempts to be good; in both masturbation and in sexual partnership, unruly, wild, and unpredictable parts of ourselves often emerge. If cared for, acknowledged, and brought into the light, the wildness of sex still doesn’t submit to domestication, but it can offer practice in humility, humor, and groundedness. When we ignore it, trying to be more angel than human, what is repressed often returns in distorted and harmful forms.

We were created human, not angels, and nothing highlights that more insistently than sexuality. Learning to handle, acknowledge, and discuss sexuality – including masturbation – with appropriate boundaries and in trusted circles, is part of the journey toward authentic personhood. Perhaps it even relates to something Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Mt 11:28-30).

It’s no surprise that our best efforts to be good make us feel weary and burdened. We settle for moral judgment, shame, and silence, when the ease, the lightness, and the gentleness of our Savior is right there for us.

Tara Owens

Tara Owens, CSD, is a spiritual director, speaker and author with Anam Cara Ministries. She teaches on the topic of spirituality and sexuality in seminaries and spiritual direction training programs throughout North America. She has a book on spirituality and the body coming out with InterVarsity Press in 2014. You can connect with her on Twitter or Facebook.

The term healthy sexuality presupposes that we have a good idea of what our sexuality is and does, and I would argue that, for the most part, both our culture and the Church have fairly disordered models of what sexuality is supposed to look like. Part of the reason we struggle with the question of masturbation is because we have trouble living in the tension of our desires. It’s easier (and I find the tendency in myself almost every day) to fall back onto the black and white rules that we’re often offered as answer to our struggles instead of doing the hard work of encountering our own desires and longings in relationship with God and others. For the most part, we’ve been given two sets of unhelpful “rules” for what we should do with our sexuality: (1) respond to our sexuality as an appetite, like hunger, and feed appropriately or (2) avoid or subjugate our sexuality as something to be expressed only in covenanted conjugal relationship and ignored or sublimated at all other times. This is a false dichotomy, and both of these paradigms tend to end up in dysfunction. We either find ourselves at the mercy of our “needs” which leads to a low grade despair, or divorced from the life and pleasure that sexuality brings, living in a kind of discontented numbness.

Like many of the questions surrounding sexuality, I don’t think we can find simple answers—or any answers that hold together in real life situations—outside of the context of relationship. For me, sexuality is broader than mere genital expression (intercourse, foreplay, masturbation, etc.), and encompasses all of the embodied ways that we desire connection with the world, with one another, and with God—as well as all of the ways we go about expressing that desire. While that definition can be taken to extremes, taking a broader view of sexuality allows us to see the ways that sexuality impels us to connection with one another. Taken in this context, masturbation and whether or not it is a healthy expression of sexuality for a particular individual become questions of whether or not the acts of masturbation at a particular season of life are drawing you deeper into isolation from others and from God, or into deeper connection and intimacy.

How does this play out? The answer will be different for different people in different contexts—but the principles underlying those answers will be the same. A single woman in her 20s who is discovering her body and her desires might be approaching masturbation as a celebration of sexuality and the gift of her body and desires; she could equally begin using masturbation as a place to take her sorrows, longings, and insecurities. In the former, masturbation can be a healthy expression of sexuality if kept squarely in the context of a relationship which, in her case, is with God, with her future mate, and with herself. In the latter, masturbation quickly becomes a place to go to hide from others and God, a place that, like any appetite-fulfilling activity, can quickly lead to addiction. Ultimately, the question of whether or not masturbation is healthy for a particular person springs from the question that governs all good discernment: Does this action help me love myself and others more fully and freely, and does it allow me to love God more deeply and with more of myself?

If you take this question as your baseline for the question of masturbation, a husband who chooses masturbation for a season while he and his wife parent young children can be seen as freeing and loving—a choice appropriate to healthy sexuality—as masturbation can take the sexual pressure off of the relationship and lead to greater intimacy (as long as the decision is discussed and not made unilaterally). On the other side of that situation, masturbation chosen out of frustration and expediency would push him further away from his spouse, compounding relational tension and making loving each other and God a further hill to climb in an already exhausted and exhausting situation.

I know “yes” or “no” would be easier answers to this question, but I don’t believe that our sexuality was created by God simply to be treated mechanistically. I believe sexuality is a gift and a grace that is given to us by God, and it can produce some of the most radically beautiful and loving acts as well as some of the most horrible and hateful. As the first line of the Didache says, “There are two ways, one of life and one of death, and there is a great difference between these two ways.”

http://rachelheldevans.com/blog/christians-masturbation

Masturbation: A Sin for Christians?

An answer to the oft-asked question of if masturbation is a sin for believers in Christ Jesus, and what the scriptures teach concerning it.

1Cor 4:6 (Wey) .. in order to teach you by our example what those words mean, which say, "Nothing beyond what is written!"...

The Scripture is strangely silent about this universal issue, while not shy about all sorts of other sexual situations and perversions... in great detail concerning sex with animals, etc. Yet the Bible says nothing about masturbation. This is odd, don't you think?

Some, mistakenly, cite Onan in Gen 38:9 as suggesting that masturbation is a sin. In fact, "onanism" has become a synonym for masturbation. But this is obviously an error, and a rather daft one at that. We know what Onan did, for it is spelled out for us in lurid detail; and we know why it was a sin: he was maliciously using and cheating Tamar in way that was wrong. In any case, what Onan was doing was certainly not masturbating, and you have to be pretty dimwitted to miss this.

In fact, there is no place in scripture where masturbation is even mentioned, much less forbidden. This is a very odd situation since it is so common a human experience, and given that scripture speaks of other sexual sins (some fairly perverse and rare) without any shyness at all.

Since scripture does not forbid masturbation directly, neither should Christians in general. "Nothing beyond what is written" in terms of how we should help lead others to the Lord is the rule. But since you asked, or clicked, as the case may be, we will give you the best answer we can using what we do know from scripture as our guide. We should stick to emphasizing the things God has told us are important, and not be teaching things that the Lord has never expressed His opinion on.

To be sure, it is clear from Scripture that illicit sexual fantasies are forbidden, and this is a significant issue with masturbation.

Matt 5:28-29 (NIV) [Jesus:] "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell."

But what if no illicit fantasies are included in masturbation? Is the act then sinful? By scripture, there is nothing to indicate that it is. Specifically, if the act is done merely as a hedge against temptation and as the body requires then there is no need for the above sinful "crutches". This is hardly exciting, and a rote act of keeping the body in submission. It cannot be done often, as the body is not that demanding if left alone by a perverted imagination. On the other hand, if we attempt a pent-up self-sex life, then we find that the body needs help from the soul through illicit fantasies, and then sin is clearly being committed.

I hope this is clear. Were it not for our perverted imaginations and lustful sense of expectation, our bodies would not cause us much trouble. It is our minds and hearts that need "treatment". It is like rev-ing an engine near red-line at every traffic signal, and all the time it is running, and then complaining about the eventual engine failure. Sure the thing can rev, but not all the time. It was not made for that.

From Scripture, the line not to be crossed is the line of illicit imagination. And what a line! Minus the sinful fantasies, which are the fuel for most masturbation, all the fun and zest would be taken out of it. Thus, it would no longer be a topic of interest to you or anybody, any more than the act of going to the bathroom. It would be just "doing what was needed" to keep the body from exploding from within.

Sex was not created for this, you can be sure. That God allows masturbation to even work is a mystery (ever try tickling yourself?) and so it is reasonable to assume that it is a "gift" to keep ourselves from temptation.

Eph 5:3 (NIV) But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.

Much like a person who is an Alcoholic must avoid any kind of drinking like the plague, where others can drink with moderation and without sin, the same principle applies here. So people might come to different conclusions concerning masturbation, and that is anticipated within our faith. Each man must live in holiness before the Lord in his/her own body, and this might mean different disciplines and personal leading in each case. What works for me or you... we should not impose on anybody else as a stumbling block.

Rom 14:12-13 (NIV) So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling-block or obstacle in your brother's way.

The important thing is that we live holy before Him, and this is a matter that we should take very seriously. I assume this is why you are interested in this question, because you want to please God by avoiding any kind of sin. And when it comes to sexual sin in the thought-life, in our culture this is an easy temptation to fall into. So care and caution are appropriate as we consider these things and make choices before the Lord.

1Th 4:2-8 (NIV) For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God... For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

Can you, in all honesty, masturbate without sinning against the clear commands of Christ? If yes, then we are never told that the act itself is impure or forbidden. But let us be honest and admit that it is not so easy to do if we are committed to avoid mental sexual sin.

In our society, where lust is in the air, how is it is possible to "learn to control our bodies in a way that is holy and honorable"? Well, the answer is that we can die. Really, spiritually. This is The Gospel as we have received it.

John 8:32 (NIV) "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Here is the specific Scripture that set me free, when it finally dawned on me what it meant:

1 Peter 4:1-2 (NIV) Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God.

Think about the radical nature of the spiritual dynamic of what is being explained here. If you are really the recipient of the HOLY Spirit, then this means PAIN in a physical body that lives in this carnal world. If you get this right in your attitude, God says you will be "done with sin". Awesome, eh?

The problem is that we want relief, and sin is the way. But if we agree in advance that the way of the faith must inevitably involve suffering, then we are truly living the gospel and have transferred out of the power of evil and into God's will.

And masturbation, never forbidden by God, can be used as one of the ways that we can "learn to control our bodies"; not by inflaming the body with pornography or fantasies so that it can be done too often, but in using it to keep ourselves from dangerous, physical temptation when it can (rarely) be done without sinning in any way.

Commit yourself to a certain amount of pain, and commit yourself not to sin in thought, and I think you will find that masturbation cannot be done that often, but when it is needed it is a true blessing as a way to keep your body under control. We should not indulge our bodies, but we should "honor" them and learn to live in them properly in this sinful world. For singles, God has given the ability to masturbate, and has not forbidden it. For married couples who are apart and who are thinking of each other, the same applies. But God has most definitely forbidden sinful thoughts that so often accompany masturbation, and for this we all need to die to self and commit ourselves to the fact that living holy in this world will involve pain.

Along these lines, see the Bible Studies on Death to Self, The Cross, and Conviction. Also, you might want to read through the Bible Study on Temptation as well.

I pray that through what we do know, and with the help of the Holy Spirit, that you will be able to conduct yourself in purity and wisdom concerning this matter.

Ro 6:13 (NIV) Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.

Luke 14:28 (NIV) "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.'"

1 Peter 4:1-2 (Wey) Since, then, Christ suffered in the flesh, you also must arm yourselves with a determination to do the same--because he who has suffered in the flesh has done with sin--that in the future you may spend the rest of your earthly lives, governed not by human passions, but by the will of God.

http://www.acts17-11.com/dialogs_masturbation.html

Questions & Answers

Is masturbation a sin?

I’m 17 and I have been doing it for a long time but I don’t know if I’m hurting God. I have stopped from doing it for about 3 weeks now but I fell attemped every day. Is this a sin? How can I control it?

Thank you for everything

Best Regards

- Daniel

Daniel,

Good question to ask, and brave of you to ask it.

The Bible doesn’t say much directly about masturbation. (Some people point to Genesis 38:9, but that’s not really about masturbation.) The Bible doesn’t seem to condemn the actual act of masturbation, but there’s more going on in our minds if we do it.

On the positive side, the Bible has lots to say about the goodness of sex. (Gen 2:24-25, 1 Cor 7:5, Song of Songs) Sex is part of God’s good creation and sexual urges is not a sign of sin but a part of being human.

However sex is for marriage, and works to bind a husband and wife together in a profound way. Sex in marriage is good, but any other sexual activity is a distortion of that goodness. That’s why such activities as adultery, casual sex and so on are condemned.

Masturbation can help us find sexual release when we cannot control our desire nor satisfy it through a marital relationship and in this sense it can be helpful. However it is almost inevitably associated with sexual fantasies and this is where it can go wrong and lead to sin.

Jesus condemns looking at women or girls in order to lust after them. (Matt 5:28) So perving at chicks, which lots of 17 year old guys would treat as normal, is a sin and offends God. It’s easy to get sucked into a cycle which fuels sexual desire to the point where it can’t be controlled. Perving at girls at school or at the beach, looking at pornography, worst of all internet porn, all fuel desire.

When masturbation leads to unhelpful sexual thinking and lust you are sinning and need to do something about it. Make the conscious, aggressive decision to look somewhere else, or go somewhere else, or turn the computer off or whatever it takes! Jesus promises that when we are being tempted, he’ll give us a way out. (1 Cor 10:13)

Ultimately I think that it is much better to resist the temptation to masurbate as you have been, asking God to help you day by day, and resisting the temptation to perv and treating women as sexual objects.

It’s good to wonder if you’re hurting God. You’re not. In fact you can’t! God’s grace is big enough to deal with any sin. He sent his son Jesus to die so our sins can be forgiven and we can be His sons. We struggle with sin, but that doesn’t mean we’ve killed our relationship. As God’s sons we can call on Him in prayer to help us in our temptations. I’ve prayed for you as I wrote this, you might pray after you read it.

Ian.

PS: Try the ‘sexuality’ and ‘Sin and Rebellion’ links for more info, or write another question.

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Q&R ROUGH FINAL DRAFTS

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

MASTURBATION

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